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For the sake of argument let’s be incredibly generous and assume every single one of them is a real Nintendo Uncle, whether they’re fresh-faced interns, grizzled directors, or creative fellows.Īccording to the most recent figures at the time of writing, Switch has now sold almost 93 million units. This estimated figure presents something of a problem, though, as last year's annual report shows Nintendo employs 6,574 people around the globe, and 3,411 staff members identify as male.
#A STORY ABOUT MY UNCLE RULE 34 PRO#
Our own estimates suggest there are a minimum of 160,300 uncles directly employed by Nintendo at any given time, all working on top secret Switch 3D Pro Advance hardware projects and handing out game prototypes their nieces and nephews aren't allowed to show anyone, like Pokemon Sword Turbo Stadium and Kirby Super Star : Uncensored Edition - The One Where DeDeDe Dies With The Blood And Guts And Everything. Nintendo Uncle persists into the modern era because we enjoy hearing these ridiculous non-truths just as much as some people like to tell them. No matter how many times it’s told, the Nintendo Uncle setup is always just plausible enough for uninitiated listeners to allow the person spinning the yarn to continue.Īnd that’s where the rest of us come in. There’s some built-in security in the fact that it isn’t unusual for your friends not to have met any of your uncles at all (especially the one who’s so very busy working at Nintendo at this very moment) and unless someone tries to pull a rare Reverse-Double-Uncle manoeuvre - claiming your uncle couldn’t possibly be working at Nintendo because everybody knows theirs definitely is - your assertion is pretty safe from casual social scrutiny. You can have any number of uncles, they can reasonably have a wide range of ages, they can live pretty much anywhere at any time - and nobody can prove otherwise. Part of this tall-tale-telling is down to how perfect the scenario is if you’re the sort of person desperate to have your social group hanging on your every word at short notice.
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The new Zelda's going to be cloud version-only! Mario's going to be in Pokémon Graphite! Nintendo's going to stop making consoles! Obviously, the Nintendo-Uncle-owner you're conversing with can’t talk about this special project bunker in great detail because, y’know, it’s secret, the uncle's days apparently spent observing all sorts of mystical Nintendo things and then, for some reason, frequently breaking legally binding and career-ending Non Disclosure Agreements just so their niece or nephew has some juicy gossip to share online. This suddenly-remembered and mysterious (yet definitely real) relative doesn’t do any of the boring jobs you usually see advertised at a big publisher/developer hybrid corporation, like marketing or accounts or ordinary programming while sat at a computer like your regular boring uncle does, John oh no, this magic uncle works in the special secret bit nobody’s ever heard of. "I can't believe my nephew told all of his friends about the HD Link to the Past remake I'm working on!" - Image: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
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